Have you ever been stuck in an area of your life because you have been fighting or pushing against the reality of the situation? You are imposing your “should” or “should not” on the situation. You think about how unfair it is and how it is not supposed to be happening this way . You do not allow it to just be. You may not even realize that you are doing it.
I was in this place not too long ago. My business was not where it was “supposed” to be and I was struggling in the friendship area of my life. Even though, I was actively engaged in deliberate creation , consciously choosing my thoughts and feelings to attract what I wanted in these areas, I was still experiencing resistance; thoughts and feelings that were not in alignment with my desires. And, no matter how much energy work; daily meditation, affirmations and Law of Attraction processes, I just couldn’t get back into flow of allowing.
Allowing is the principle of least action and no resistance.
I became aware of just how much I was judging what was happening in my work and what was happening in my relationship with my friend. I noticed my pessimism. I am usually able to release negative emotions quite quickly, but I was really having a hard time shaking this vibration.
By happenstance, (or was it really?), my husband downloaded some meditations by Tara Brach who is a clinical psychologist as well as a Buddhist lay priestess. I was very familiar with her as I had read her book “Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha” and loved it! I strongly recommend you read it!
So one morning, I decided to do her guided “Yes” Meditation. When I began thinking about the troubling work and friendship situation and just allowed myself to allow for it, I allowed for the emotion that was really underlying my resistance. Sure, I was aware of my resentment, frustration, blame and urge to just give up, but I had not realized how sad I was. And, as I did the meditation, tears rolling down my face, something inside me relaxed. I noticed a shift. Of course, I was sad. Sadness makes perfect sense when something has not gone the way you hoped and wished.
I gave myself permission to feel the sadness without judging it. I gave myself permission to have my experience and treat it as valid. I also knew that I needed to address my friendship as a priority. That is another benefit of releasing judgment and moving to genuine acceptance. One one hand we are able to see things more clearly and on the other, we are able to hold ourselves and our own experience with compassion.
So by giving myself permission to be who I truly am and by giving my friend permission to be who she truly is without trying to fix or change her, I was able to handle the situation with grace, compassion and strength. By being able to radically accept myself, life and her as it is in the present moment, there was an immediate change in me. Acceptance in itself, is change.
The paradox is that the more accepting I was of the situation, the more my friend wanted to change her behaviour to please me. A wonderful example of the Law of Detachment as well; in order to attract what we want we must detach form how it will happen and the outcome.
The benefits of teaching the Universal Laws and Emotional Intelligence Skills is also in living them myself. I am grateful that I have the skills to assert myself with others with compassion for myself and the other person. My dear friend and I spoke of how blessed we were to have the type of relationship where it is safe enough for us to be able to speak our truths, even if we did not agree with each other’s truth and do so in a fair and respectful manner.
We both agreed that many of us do not know how to ask for what we want or say no in a way that keeps the respect and liking of the other person and in a way that maintains our self-respect.
And, as I often tell my clients, when you release a block in one are of your life, you often notice more flow in another area of your life. And, mark my words, immediately after addressing this issue with my friend, I experienced and even greater shift, knowing somehow my business would benefit and it did. I started to attract more clients and my ideal clients!