More and more, I am learning and teaching my clients about the Universal Law of Allowing and its principle of least action and no resistance. I am learning more about it because I keep hearing my clients’ judgments; whether they are judging themselves or others. It sounds something like this “ I am not ..they are not enough of this…” or “I am too much..they are too much of that” … “I should be doing this”…”They should be doing that”… “What’s wrong with me…them?”
And, I am also reminded of the Law of Reflection as I see myself in them; the me 10 years ago, the me 5 years ago and sometimes the me today.
Many of my clients are struggling in their relationships. They experience disharmony with their partners or they continue to attract unhealthy partners because they miss out on this very important piece of the puzzle: “Every good relationship starts with you!”
Your relationship with yourself will determine all your other relationships. If you are in constant judgment of yourself, you will experience judgment from others and most likely be consistently judging others.
Perhaps, you do not realize that you can not accept and embrace what you cannot give to yourself. And, perhaps you do not realize that you can not give to others what you can not give to yourself.
The Law of Allowing can be applied to ourselves and others. When we apply allowing to ourselves we are giving ourselves permission to be who we truly are and we are accepting and appreciative of ourselves.
When we apply Allowing to others we are accepting them as they are, regardless of differences and similarities. We let go of making others “wrong”. We let go of others having to change their behaviours to make us happy. We release the need to make other people responsible for our emotions.
Many of my clients are initially resistant to the idea of non-judgment and acceptance. They often tell me if they accept the “bad” behavior of others than that means they are approving of it. They often do not want to let go of their anger because they feel if they let it go of it, they will be hurt again or it will invalidate their experience in some way.
I tell my clients that you can accept those behaviors you do not like in yourself and others without approving of them. You can change your behaviours with self-compassion versus self-punishment. And you are more likely to have others agree to your requests when you express yourself with compassion.
The first step in this process is to apply a Non-Judgmental Stance:
“You are very inconsiderate” or “You are such a jerk!” (judgment)
“We have met 3 times and each time you have been late” (nonjudgment)
“I think you don't value my time” (what I think)
“I feel disrespected…angry…hurt” (what I feel)
“ I am less willing to make plans with you now” (my action urge)
Becoming non-judgmental reduces the intensity of the emotion. It raises your vibration. It is also a great mindfulness tool as it provides clarity. You see the situation for what it is and not what you think it is. This clarity allows for effective problem solving. This clarity facilitates compassion, acceptance and allowing.