Francesca Dattilo, MSW
Certified Law of Attraction Coach
Certified Style Coach (MIASC Accred.)

Call me:  613.204.0781


HOW ASSERTING YOURSELF LEADS TO CONFIDENT STYLE

  • By Francesca Dattilo
  • 10 May, 2017

Feeling confident in your style goes much deeper than what you put on your body.   As a Style Coach (TM), I teach my clients dressing, styling, shopping and grooming skills and I help them cultivate confidence.   I full heartedly believe that Real Style starts with authentic confidence!  


When I work with my clients, I listen to what they say about themselves and this gives me clues about both their positive and negative self-beliefs.   We all have that inner voice or critic that can erode a positive self-image and body image.   I also pay attention to the person’s body language and non-verbal communication.  

When I notice a client:


  • Avoiding eye contact  
  • Shifting their eyes  
  • Fiddling with their hands or feet
  • Pulling on their clothing or
  • Twisting their hair;


I wonder if they are feeling self-conscious, or insecure and lack confidence. I also know when people lack confidence they can also have difficulty asserting themselves.


I spent many years feeling extremely self-conscious about how I looked.   And, it showed in my body language.   I also spent many years being unable to ask for what I want, say no to requests and express my opinions and beliefs directly.  

When we consistently have difficulty expressing our feelings, needs, legitimate rights or opinions, we are more likely to have low self-esteem, experience depression and undue anxiety in interpersonal situations.   We often feel unappreciated, taken for granted and used by others.   Our self-respect goes down.   In many cases, we can experience physical ailments like headaches and stomach problems.  


It is no surprise that people who are able to assert themselves are more confident, have more self-esteem, are less anxious in social situations, are less likely to have physical ailments and receive more positive reactions from others.  

Being able to assert ourselves is a great relationships skill as it relieves others from having to “guess” at what we want.   They are able to please us more easily.   Have you ever had that conversation when you have asked someone what they want or what they want to do and they say “I don’t know”.   And, no matter how often you ask, you get the same answer.   It can be quite frustrating!  


Being unable to assert yourself also looks like this:


  • Inability to ask for help
  • Inability to express like, love and affection
  • Inability to give compliments and  
  • Inability to receive compliments.


When someone compliments you on something that you are wearing or on something you did or an attribute you have, how do you respond?  


  1. Thank-you.
  2. This? it’s nothing special…well…I didn’t really do that much…well…


Most days I choose answer A.   There are still times I get caught on B though. And then I remind myself that receiving a compliment with grace is in line with my process of developing more confidence each and every day.  


I know that in developing my personal style, confidence matters and looking at all that contributes to our confidence matters.   When I work with a client I am looking at what’s underneath the surface just as much as what is on the surface.  


In the spirit of building self-esteem and self-confidence I am pleased to announce that I will be participating in the Embrace You: Movie Screening + Panel Discussion presented by Fit & Healthy 365 with Lydia DiFrancesco on Sunday June 4 here in Ottawa.   I am excited to be one of the experts on the panel and leading a guided self-love and body positive meditation.   To purchase a ticket or find out more click on this link: https://www.facebook.com/events/663038773906193/

Share by: